A Life for a Life [—at Velvet Ashes]

During August, I have the privilege of hosting the Velvet Ashes Book Club (online). We’re reading two short novellas by Fredrik Backman, an author I have come to appreciate a lot in recent years. Do join us!

 

Let’s jump right into what was probably my favorite scene of this section of The Deal of a Lifetime.  “So we liked the ferry, both of us, me the way there and you the way back. I loved leaving everything behind, but you loved standing out on deck and watching Helsingborg appear on the horizon.”

Leaving and returning – is that not the story of all our lives? There are the big moves but also the many comings and goings, as we travel to conferences, do visa runs, and so on. Does the unknown, the adventure, that comes with leaving hold an innate fascination for you, like it does for the main character? Or are you more excited to return home, like the son? Not being able to leave the city for almost six months due to Corona confirmed what I already knew: traveling and exploring new places is incredibly life-giving to me! Though that feeling of catching the first glimpse of your city, of your home, is certainly very special too!

This slight tangent aside, the scene also captures so well the relationship between father and son. Would it be possible for two people to be more different from each other? Their values, their approach to life – they seem incapable of understanding each other, of finding common ground. Until the very end. Only when he thinks he is dying does the father begin to appreciate his son’s character and the choices he has made. In this section, he goes from “you were a disappointment” to regretting not saying he was proud of his son and even seeing the town the way the son always had. “It was our town then, finally, yours and mine”. So very sad this only happened when it was too late. Oh to be someone who takes the initiative to build bridges with those I don’t immediately click with!

To read the rest, go to Velvet Ashes

and my thoughts on the first half of the book are here

 

 

The Seconds We Are Given [—at Velvet Ashes]

During August, I have the privilege of hosting the Velvet Ashes Book Club (online). We’re reading two short novellas by Fredrik Backman, an author I have come to appreciate a lot in recent years. Do join us!

 

I am so glad the Velvet Ashes book club introduced me to Fredrik Backman’s writing and that we have made it a tradition to read something by him each summer! In some ways, these short novellas are quite different from his longer books, yet what I appreciate most about him still shines through.

Fredrik Backman seems to genuinely like his characters. He does not glorify them or excuse their darker sides but shows them as human beings in all their beautiful, messy complexity. He does not mock their weaknesses but treats them with kindness. And he is a fabulous storyteller! Have you followed along with any of the other Fredrik Backman books we’ve read? What did you appreciate about them?

Ok, let’s jump into the story in The Deal of a Lifetime. It seems the main character has been haunted by, and trying to outrun, death his entire life. Living when his twin brother did not, and seeing his parents forever altered by the loss. At age 15, again living when his best friend dies in a tragic accident. Always looking out for the woman with the folder. No wonder he could not handle becoming a father. The line “I couldn’t stay with someone who had that kind of power over me [i.e. making him feel someone else’s pain]” is so incredibly sad. Yet so understandable. When all he knows of that deep connection is the pain of loss, why would he choose to enter into it? And so he ran – into work, success, travel. He left his family and pushed his son away until he had lost him. So very sad.

To read the rest, go to Velvet Ashes

and my thoughts on the second half of the book are here

 

 

Never Too Late to Ask [—at Velvet Ashes]

During August, I have the privilege of hosting the Velvet Ashes Book Club (online). We’re reading two short novellas by Fredrik Backman, an author I have come to appreciate a lot in recent years. Do join us!

Again, let me start by saying that while the story in And Every Morning The Way Home Gets Longer and Longer deals with the topic of dementia and Alzheimer’s, this is not something with which I have personal experience. I’m trying to tread lightly, knowing it is impossible for me to understand that aspect. If you do have personal experience and feel ready to join in the conversation, that would be so appreciated!

Were you also drawn into the different relationships within the family and how they change as they individually and together navigate this journey? Here are a few things that stood out to me.

Firstly, there is the relationship between husband and wife. Being single, I obviously don’t speak from experience. But there is so much here that applies equally to any close and long-standing relationship, be that with family or friends. The wife (do we ever find out her name? I don’t think so) reflects that what annoyed her when they first met still annoys her all these decades on. Ha! I love the realism. There are things in each one of us that those close to us find challenging and that don’t really ever change. Oh, what a gift are people who show us grace and patience, and who are still able to see the beautiful things in us!

“She was the first person in his life that he couldn’t work out though he spent every minute of it after that day trying.” How sad it is when we assume we know everything about someone else and stop learning and discovering! What a gift we give to others when we allow them to surprise us, allow them to develop and show new facets of who they are!

“I miss all our most ordinary things.” I wanted to yell “Yes!” when I read this. But being in a public place, I managed to stop myself. That would not have been a culturally appropriate thing to do! Anyway, that statement. For those of us living away from family, from where we grew up, or away from other places that became home – would you agree that it is those ordinary, unspectacular things you miss the most? Not what tourists might come to see but the things and places that hold memories and that made a place home.

To read the rest, go to Velvet Ashes

and my thoughts on the first half of the book are here

A Place Without Coordinates [—at Velvet Ashes]

During August, I have the privilege of hosting the Velvet Ashes Book Club (online). We’re reading two short novellas by Fredrik Backman, an author I have come to appreciate a lot in recent years. Do join us!

Before we jump in, let me say that I come to And Every Morning the Way Home Gets Longer and Longer with no personal experience of dementia or Alzheimer’s. I know that if your story involves walking alongside someone suffering with these diseases, you will read this short novella very differently. If you feel ready to share, we would so value your voice in the comments!

It feels hard to capture the atmosphere of this book. Hauntingly beautiful. Deeply moving. Searingly painful. Incredibly sad. Full of warmth, love and hope. These are just some of the words that come to mind. What would you add? Let’s go on a journey together to see what we each discovered and what stayed with us.

“Is he talking to his son? Or his grandson? And are these real events? Or something happening in his mind? Memories of bygone times, maybe?” I have to confess, I often felt confused and a bit lost. Just when I thought I’d figured it out, the narrative shifted, and the questions started again. At times, I started to get a bit frustrated. Then I realized that was probably the point. Fredrik Backman skillfully lets us experience a bit of what the main character battles with as he slowly loses some of his mental abilities. It’s not quite walking a mile in his shoes, but it very effectively helped me relate and gain at least a glimpse of understanding.

Each family has its own dynamics – some beautiful, some challenging. It soon becomes obvious that Noah and his grandfather have an extraordinarily strong bond. A bond that Noah’s father seemingly never had with his dad. It’s not just the time they get to spend together (though I’m sure that plays a part) but the fact that they seem to think in similar ways. Both love numbers, whereas Noah’s dad never did.

To read the rest, go to Velvet Ashes

and my thoughts on the second part of the book are here