EXPERIENCING CONNECTION

Spiritual Pathways in Your Walk with God

True confession: I don’t particularly enjoy listening to and singing along to worship music. For a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me because it seemed to mean so much to others. Why not me? Meanwhile, I loved spending extended time digging deeper into Bible texts and felt connected with God during those times. I couldn’t understand why others didn’t feel the same way.

Whether you call it “spending time with the Lord” or a “quiet time” or whatever term you use, connection with God is something we all long for and need. However, how we learned to do it from others and what we have seen people model can sometimes leave us feeling frustrated. What works for them does not seem to work for us. Often, we strain and persevere regardless. Or we give up.

Do you recognise that pattern in yourself? I hear you! Different authors have tried to describe what they observed in themselves and others. Learning from them has been a great gift. One of the books that has greatly enriched and shaped my understanding has been “Sacred Pathways” by Gary Thomas.

Yes, we all need and long to connect with God through his word and in prayer. How we do that and what context helps us most can vary. There is so much to discover about how God created each of us! Perhaps you have noticed this already. Some people thrive on worship; others on studying the Bible. Some come alive when they serve; others when they create.

Why don’t you take a moment right now to reflect: when do you feel especially connected with God? Is it sitting quietly reading your Bible? Out in nature? When you’re singing and praising him? When you journal?

Our goal in considering these “spiritual pathways” (as they are often called) is to understand ourselves better, so we can make space in our lives for what feeds our souls. At the same time, we can be more aware of the gifts others bring and step out of our comfort zone from time to time, trying out pathways that are not our natural bent.

Here’s a sample of some of the pathways people have described. This is by no means a definitive list and I would encourage you to use the book I mentioned to explore further.

Keep reading here.

Books of 2020

You’d think 2020 would have been a great year for reading. Well, not for me… Sadly, practically no travelling (either around the city or further afield) meant getting through far fewer books than in a normal year. Still, there were some good ones, so here goes – my favourite books of 2020!

The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Anne Fadiman

Heartbreaking. Beautiful. Full of the wonder and exasperation that come with a meeting of cultures. A story so full of humanity and kindness, of misunderstanding and frustration. And I learned so much about a part of the world and a culture I knew very little about. So good!

BECOMING by Michelle Obama

I’m not generally the biggest fan of biographies but this one I loved! Sure, getting glimpses of life in the White House is fascinating. Yet this book is so much more than that. Growing up in a certain cultural context and then learning to operate in a different one. Merging two very different family backgrounds to create their own. All stories we can all relate to yet so individual as well.

Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman

Eleanor’s story is one of deep pain and loneliness. When we first meet her, we know very little of her background. Slowly, as the story unfolds, layer after layer gets peeled back. At the same time, it is a story of kindness and deep humanity. Almost despite herself, Eleanor is drawn into friendship and community, and things start to change. Beautiful, very moving, and so well written.

KEYS TO BONHOEFFER’S HAUS by Laura M. Fabrycky

This book offers a unique blend of story and reflection. During her time in Berlin, the author was a volunteer guide at the house where Bonhoeffer’s parents lived and where he was arrested, causing her to reflect deeply on his life and legacy. She takes us along on her own journey of not just learning, but also of relating some of the principles and tensions she discovers to living in today’s world. The book was written prior to the current pandemic but reading it, as I did, in the midst of it, it seemed even more relatable and relevant!

And Every Morning the Way Home Gets Longer and Longer by Fredrik Backman

This short novella is incredibly insightful and moving – and so hard to describe in just a few words! Just to say that the context is a person’s (and his family’s) experience of dementia, so if that is a painful topic for you, now might not be the time for you to pick up this book. Go ahead and read some of my thoughts about it here and here. As ever, incredible writing by Fredrik Backman.

WHERE PASSION AND PURPOSE MEET

It is a Wednesday evening and about 20 of us are gathered in a traditional German restaurant in a trendy part of Berlin. Most of us have never met before yet we are chatting like old friends. “What do you say when people ask you where you’re from?” asks Marina. We all laugh. And groan. We all dread that question, because we are living or have lived outside of the country we grew up in. Questions about home and identity are tricky.

Marina, who brought us together, grew up in Slovakia and has since lived in Belgium and Spain. My own story has taken me from Hamburg, Germany to France, Russia, and the UK. For now, our journeys intersect in Berlin. There is something incredibly special about being around people who “get” a part of your story many others do not. It creates an instant bond.

My love of engaging with people from across the globe is a huge part of who I am. Yet there is also a deeper story at play. My favourite moments come when the two connect, like they did on that Wednesday evening in a restaurant in Berlin. My identity as a child of God impacts every part of who I am, including how I view other cultures and how I engage with the challenges of living cross-culturally. As we talk about our lives as internationals, I have an opportunity to share the difference my faith makes in living through some of the same struggles others around the table experience. What a privilege!

[…] Read more here

REFLECTING ON THE JOURNEY

Tired. Weary. Those are words I have often heard. It is also how I have felt. After a year of hard, unexpected, and confusing times, we all feel worn out.

Where I live in Germany, Christmas has come in the middle of our second lockdown. Though not the end of the journey by any means, the holidays can be a natural time to stop, reflect and take stock. 2020 has given us more to reflect on than most years. Yet that’s hard to do. It feels easier to escape into Christmas movies, baking, cooking, eating, and other joys of the season, than to sit with all that this past year has brought.

Yet, over the years when I have taken the time to reflect on a year (or whatever time period) and had the courage to face the emotions that might emerge in the process, I have often experienced God meeting me in special ways, and His peace replacing confusion, fear and grief.

This reflection is often called a debrief and can be used to help people process their experiences. In some contexts, a trained facilitator takes participants through a debrief. While that may not be available, even taking this time by yourself, with your spouse, or a trusted friend is incredibly helpful.

Why not take time this Christmas season to “debrief” your experience of 2020? 

[…] Read more (incl some practical tips) here (NOTE: since that website is currently experiencing some issues, I have for now posted the rest of the article below).

Here are some practical pointers:

• Plan specific times. Obviously plans may change but if we decide to do it “at some point over the holidays” it will likely get crowded out. Taking a full day is great but I have also found it very helpful to give 30 minutes or so a day over the course of a week.
• Tell someone what you’re planning to do and ask them to pray for you during that time.
• Even better: find someone who will join you (not necessarily in the same space) so you can share what you’re learning and how God is meeting you.
• Gather your calendar, a journal, some coloured pens or pencils, and perhaps some craft materials.

Here are some pointers for things to think about and reflect on.

It’s usually best to work through these one at a time, rather than try and do them at the same time. That way, each aspect receives the attention it requires.

1. Start by doing a timeline of the year. This is where your calendar is helpful to remind you of what happened when. It might also be worth looking back at your Instagram feed or other social media you use. You might think you remember but there could be a few surprises. When I went through a debrief back in May, I was stunned to discover how many major things had happened in just the first 10 days of lockdown that I had forgotten.
2. For many of us, living with paradox and mystery is uncomfortable. We like to resolve the tension they carry. In this year, where did you experience mystery or paradox? Mark them on your timeline. For example, I was so disappointed when an event I had been looking forward to was cancelled. At the same time, I was relieved as it meant the decision whether to go or not was not one I had to make. That’s a paradox right there.
3. What were some of the losses you experienced this year? You might want to downplay them because they seem less significant than what other people had to deal with. Yet they’re real, they are significant for you, and it’s important to name them. Perhaps it was not being able to say goodbye properly to someone who left, not seeing family for many months, or that you had to cancel a trip or an event you had been looking forward to. Those are losses and we need to acknowledge and grieve them. Again, mark them on your timeline.
4. What were some of the gifts and blessings of this season? Surprisingly, these can be equally hard to acknowledge. What good things happened? Where did the Lord meet you, encourage you, strengthen you?
5. You might want to wrap up your time by giving some sort of creative expression to what you discovered. This is not a must, obviously, but I have found it very helpful.

As you have engaged with these different aspects of your journey through 2020, hopefully the Lord will have met you in the painful, the confusing and the wonderful things. My experience has often been that acknowledging it all before the Lord (and myself), means they take an appropriate place rather than continue to consume space in my heart, soul and mind.

Would you like to set aside time this holiday season to “debrief” your year with the Lord (using this approach or a different one)?

A Life for a Life [—at Velvet Ashes]

During August, I have the privilege of hosting the Velvet Ashes Book Club (online). We’re reading two short novellas by Fredrik Backman, an author I have come to appreciate a lot in recent years. Do join us!

 

Let’s jump right into what was probably my favorite scene of this section of The Deal of a Lifetime.  “So we liked the ferry, both of us, me the way there and you the way back. I loved leaving everything behind, but you loved standing out on deck and watching Helsingborg appear on the horizon.”

Leaving and returning – is that not the story of all our lives? There are the big moves but also the many comings and goings, as we travel to conferences, do visa runs, and so on. Does the unknown, the adventure, that comes with leaving hold an innate fascination for you, like it does for the main character? Or are you more excited to return home, like the son? Not being able to leave the city for almost six months due to Corona confirmed what I already knew: traveling and exploring new places is incredibly life-giving to me! Though that feeling of catching the first glimpse of your city, of your home, is certainly very special too!

This slight tangent aside, the scene also captures so well the relationship between father and son. Would it be possible for two people to be more different from each other? Their values, their approach to life – they seem incapable of understanding each other, of finding common ground. Until the very end. Only when he thinks he is dying does the father begin to appreciate his son’s character and the choices he has made. In this section, he goes from “you were a disappointment” to regretting not saying he was proud of his son and even seeing the town the way the son always had. “It was our town then, finally, yours and mine”. So very sad this only happened when it was too late. Oh to be someone who takes the initiative to build bridges with those I don’t immediately click with!

To read the rest, go to Velvet Ashes

and my thoughts on the first half of the book are here

 

 

The Seconds We Are Given [—at Velvet Ashes]

During August, I have the privilege of hosting the Velvet Ashes Book Club (online). We’re reading two short novellas by Fredrik Backman, an author I have come to appreciate a lot in recent years. Do join us!

 

I am so glad the Velvet Ashes book club introduced me to Fredrik Backman’s writing and that we have made it a tradition to read something by him each summer! In some ways, these short novellas are quite different from his longer books, yet what I appreciate most about him still shines through.

Fredrik Backman seems to genuinely like his characters. He does not glorify them or excuse their darker sides but shows them as human beings in all their beautiful, messy complexity. He does not mock their weaknesses but treats them with kindness. And he is a fabulous storyteller! Have you followed along with any of the other Fredrik Backman books we’ve read? What did you appreciate about them?

Ok, let’s jump into the story in The Deal of a Lifetime. It seems the main character has been haunted by, and trying to outrun, death his entire life. Living when his twin brother did not, and seeing his parents forever altered by the loss. At age 15, again living when his best friend dies in a tragic accident. Always looking out for the woman with the folder. No wonder he could not handle becoming a father. The line “I couldn’t stay with someone who had that kind of power over me [i.e. making him feel someone else’s pain]” is so incredibly sad. Yet so understandable. When all he knows of that deep connection is the pain of loss, why would he choose to enter into it? And so he ran – into work, success, travel. He left his family and pushed his son away until he had lost him. So very sad.

To read the rest, go to Velvet Ashes

and my thoughts on the second half of the book are here

 

 

Never Too Late to Ask [—at Velvet Ashes]

During August, I have the privilege of hosting the Velvet Ashes Book Club (online). We’re reading two short novellas by Fredrik Backman, an author I have come to appreciate a lot in recent years. Do join us!

Again, let me start by saying that while the story in And Every Morning The Way Home Gets Longer and Longer deals with the topic of dementia and Alzheimer’s, this is not something with which I have personal experience. I’m trying to tread lightly, knowing it is impossible for me to understand that aspect. If you do have personal experience and feel ready to join in the conversation, that would be so appreciated!

Were you also drawn into the different relationships within the family and how they change as they individually and together navigate this journey? Here are a few things that stood out to me.

Firstly, there is the relationship between husband and wife. Being single, I obviously don’t speak from experience. But there is so much here that applies equally to any close and long-standing relationship, be that with family or friends. The wife (do we ever find out her name? I don’t think so) reflects that what annoyed her when they first met still annoys her all these decades on. Ha! I love the realism. There are things in each one of us that those close to us find challenging and that don’t really ever change. Oh, what a gift are people who show us grace and patience, and who are still able to see the beautiful things in us!

“She was the first person in his life that he couldn’t work out though he spent every minute of it after that day trying.” How sad it is when we assume we know everything about someone else and stop learning and discovering! What a gift we give to others when we allow them to surprise us, allow them to develop and show new facets of who they are!

“I miss all our most ordinary things.” I wanted to yell “Yes!” when I read this. But being in a public place, I managed to stop myself. That would not have been a culturally appropriate thing to do! Anyway, that statement. For those of us living away from family, from where we grew up, or away from other places that became home – would you agree that it is those ordinary, unspectacular things you miss the most? Not what tourists might come to see but the things and places that hold memories and that made a place home.

To read the rest, go to Velvet Ashes

and my thoughts on the first half of the book are here

A Place Without Coordinates [—at Velvet Ashes]

During August, I have the privilege of hosting the Velvet Ashes Book Club (online). We’re reading two short novellas by Fredrik Backman, an author I have come to appreciate a lot in recent years. Do join us!

Before we jump in, let me say that I come to And Every Morning the Way Home Gets Longer and Longer with no personal experience of dementia or Alzheimer’s. I know that if your story involves walking alongside someone suffering with these diseases, you will read this short novella very differently. If you feel ready to share, we would so value your voice in the comments!

It feels hard to capture the atmosphere of this book. Hauntingly beautiful. Deeply moving. Searingly painful. Incredibly sad. Full of warmth, love and hope. These are just some of the words that come to mind. What would you add? Let’s go on a journey together to see what we each discovered and what stayed with us.

“Is he talking to his son? Or his grandson? And are these real events? Or something happening in his mind? Memories of bygone times, maybe?” I have to confess, I often felt confused and a bit lost. Just when I thought I’d figured it out, the narrative shifted, and the questions started again. At times, I started to get a bit frustrated. Then I realized that was probably the point. Fredrik Backman skillfully lets us experience a bit of what the main character battles with as he slowly loses some of his mental abilities. It’s not quite walking a mile in his shoes, but it very effectively helped me relate and gain at least a glimpse of understanding.

Each family has its own dynamics – some beautiful, some challenging. It soon becomes obvious that Noah and his grandfather have an extraordinarily strong bond. A bond that Noah’s father seemingly never had with his dad. It’s not just the time they get to spend together (though I’m sure that plays a part) but the fact that they seem to think in similar ways. Both love numbers, whereas Noah’s dad never did.

To read the rest, go to Velvet Ashes

and my thoughts on the second part of the book are here

 

Oh The Places We Have Been

 

Oh the places we have been –

from “So there’s some strange new virus in China” we wandered on to “OK, let’s all try and be a little bit cautious and wise”, before crashing into “My life has just been completely upended and I have no idea what is happening”

Oh the places we have been –

From feeling confident in planning our days, our weeks, the next few months – to living in the moment, because thinking ahead is scary and the world beyond today feels completely unpredictable.

Oh the places we have been –

From heads and hearts spinning, to camaraderie, to learning a new way of doing life, doing work, doing church. To wondering when this will ever end and what our world will look like by then.

Oh the places we have been –

Hope and despair. Courage and fear. Apathy and resilience, laughter and tears. Loneliness and connection, distant yet close. Going round and round, up and down, day after day after day.

Oh the places we have been –

in just a few short weeks. No wonder we’re feeling a bit battered and bruised. Longing for normal yet thankful for the special gifts of this season. Feeling fragile yet knowing more deeply that you are God. And we’re not.

Oh the places we’ll go –

we have no idea what they’ll be. Never did but we managed to fool ourselves. No longer.

Kyrie eleison, Lord have mercy.

 

 

Inspired by the video above which at first made me laugh, and then brought home what collectively we have all been through these past couple of months. What would my January self make of it all?!?!

Very loosely based on Dr Seuss, who had an amazing way with words.

 

daily life… on the move

It seems somewhat ironic to be finishing this post in the midst of the Corona crisis. It’s been three weeks now since I’ve been on public transport. Talk about being cocooned…

 

Going from a small box on wheels to a much bigger box that I share with lots of people. That was one of the biggest changes when I moved cities and countries.

You see, where I lived before, I had a car. I would go about daily life somewhat sheltered from what was going on around me. I’d get in the car, turn on the radio and that was it. I would pay attention to anything relevant to traffic (obviously 😉 ) but be pretty oblivious to everything else.

Quite how oblivious I didn’t realise until I moved. Public transport in Berlin is amazing – no need for a car. So suddenly, I would spend a good chunk of my day not cocooned in my car but out there with everyone else. All of what makes Berlin amazing and infuriating was (and is) right there in my face.

You hear every language under the sun.

There are the “musicians” who sing the same verse of the same song every time you encounter them. Every. Single. Time.

And occasionally, there is someone who really can sing.

You see the homeless and the drug addicts. Up close, as they make their way through the train asking for money.

You see artists sketching, as they observe their fellow travellers.

And lots of ordinary people.

Beauty and brokenness.

Day after day after day.

 

On good days, I enjoy it. Or get so lost in my book that I don’t even notice what’s around me 😉 Other times, it all feels too much, too overwhelming. So much need and hopelessness. So much suffering that invades my space. My heart and soul get tired.

Compassion. Again and again, as I read through the Gospels, that’s what drives Jesus’ response to people. To crowds. To individuals. Compassion. That is not generally how I respond.

 

I have no easy answers, no quick fix. I suspect this is a struggle that will be with me as long as I live in this city. I also know this reality is forcing me to wrestle with God through some tough questions. And to recognise that my own compassion runs out pretty quickly, that I need to rely on Him. Which are good things. And so I cry out, for myself and for this city

 

Kyrie Eleison. Lord, have mercy.

 

Leaving you with some of Berlin’s amazing creativity, making even the everyday sounds of public transport appear beautiful!