In the months before I left the ME, people kept urging me to disengage and transition back. And I made a conscious decision to “be all there, wherever I was.” And I don’t regret that at all—I’d do it again. What I do regret was that I failed to apply that rule when I started over in the States. I’m being taught to “be all here”even while large chunks of my heart are in another world, with another people. I think it’s a most excellent problem to have—the challenge to balance yourself, your interests, your relationships, your conversations, your love. I’m here for “such a time as this”—to engage with those who are right before me. This is a reality, too, and this American life is worthy of my full attention and energy, especially when I firmly believe that our Father is forever sustaining us, preparing us and directing our steps.
Large chunks of MY heart will forever be in the crazy country that comes up with things like this:
Yup, never again will my heart be all in one place. At times, I feel a huge need to cling on to “that place”. To make my apartment a shrine filled with Union Jacks. To listen to the BBC 24/7. To not be all here, in this place and this life. To not allow new treasures to be added to (and mixed in with) the ones from across the channel. Most people won’t understand. How could they (after all, there are many things about their lives I will never understand either). But there are some who do and for those I am deeply thankful.
I long to arrive at the place where I am able to
engage in both worlds with a beautiful balance.
(Quotes are from the blog post “Back to Amreeka: They Don’t Know… “. Click here to read the whole thing.)